OPINION: Spooning With Gabrielle and Summer

Gabrielle Wieman and Summer Yates, guest commentary and design editor

Gabrielle Wieman and Summer Yates

Gabrielle:
May 20, 1977.
This is the day of the first kiss—Bobby Weiman stole a quick kiss from Lisa Stewart—then skipped off to typing class.
Lisa was an AG pastor’s daughter with five older brothers. Bobby was the son of a Filipina woman and a German ex-Marine, and seldom attendee of the Catholic Church. They embarked on a unique relationship, one that took Bobby into a Pentecostal church for the first time and face-to-face with amazing food. Just as Lisa opened up Bobby’s mind to God, she also opened his taste buds to food like chicken and dumplings with collard greens, Mexican enchiladas, and salad dressing that wasn’t a mix of ketchup and mayonnaise.
The high school sweethearts spent weekends taking small road trips to the beach for clam chowder, or heading to Pier 39 for a cheap hot dog. They married and 26 years later still love one another. They are now hosts to family dinners, holidays, and provide some of the best food around.

As the second daughter born as a result of this marriage, I’ve grabbed onto the idea that food is at the center of any love story—food, a great sense of understanding, and a support system that will catch you no matter what winds may shake through life. I am consistently watching my bank account dwindle, but my friendships grow stronger.
Summer:
My parents met on a radio show, KMPS Love Line, to be exact. Five hours later, my mom was in love; five months later, my dad proposed; seven proposals later, my mom said yes. They’ve agreed on nothing since.
Their marriage wasn’t a perfect one—he had heart problems and she had three boys from a previous marriage— but throughout their twenty years together, food became a buffer to their friction. My parents set aside their differences to play Cribbage over breakfast. Since the kids were asleep, it was their time to relax and talk in between shuffles.
Food became common ground in their communication and one thing they both loved. New Year’s Eve, Fourth of July, and Super Bowl Sundays were good times with good meals, and traditions became the foundation of our family.
My parents’ date nights were spontaneous, but consistent. They made sure to eat a couple meals a week outside the home, without the kids—it’s how they stayed plugged-in.
This was my first exposure to what love was, and it trickled its way down to my brothers and me. To this day, the best conversations I have with anyone is sitting across a table, knife and fork in hand. Because I see this pattern in my own life, I find it comical that one-on-ones are routinely done over just coffee, when a meal is waiting across the street. Why force small talk, when conversation flows over burgers and fries?

In our first article, our goal was to “expose the connections between relationships and restaurants.” Yet what unexpectedly emerged from this column was truth: great relationships are rooted in good conversation and good meals. Why did it work for our parents? Why did Jesus sit down to eat with people? Because as food nourishes our bodies, relationships nourish our souls—the two are made better when combined.
Whether it’s dating or room-mating, for a season or life-long commitments, appetizers or desserts, we wish you good luck with all your relationships.
Happy spooning.

Epilogue: Gabrielle and Summer are single and happy. Their mothers are less optimistic. Gabrielle’s mom suggested eHarmony.com.

OPINION: He’s Just Not That Into You

Jason Ferrer and Anne Martin

His side:
Addressing the validity of the uber-chick flick He’s Just Not That Into You from a guy’s perspective is problematic. Sure, there is some truth to it, but it’s difficult to disagree without someone retorting with, “That’s because you’re a guy.”
I don’t have an issue with it because I’m a guy; I have an issue with it because it has been characterized as a movie that gets it all right. Strictly on a surface level, this film does succeed in portraying different types of people and their approach to relationships. However, it fails to recognize the cause of the relationship problems.
In the opening scene of the movie a female voice tells the audience, “We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk that means he likes you.”
A young girl at a playground who is pushed down by a little boy at the beginning of the movie depicts this tagline. To offer some consolation, her mother tells her that he did it because he likes her. Then fast-forward 20 years later. The opening scene insinuates that girls do not progress past believing whatever people tell them and boys do not move on from the cooties stage. In reality, guys don’t think that girls are that stupid, and this movie proves that we get past cooties.
After a bar scene epiphany from her guru-like advice giver, it’s as if the previously unlit light bulb in her head flickers on. She tells her friends “Chad the drummer, who lived in a storage space, he only used me for rides and yet I continued to stalk him for most of 1998. Then oh, um, there was Don, that broke up with me every Friday so that he could have his weekends free.”
Did someone need to write a book or make a movie to clear things up? No guy or girl should be with someone who treats him or her poorly. However, guys are not the only ones that should be blamed. No female character is faulted for anything in this movie. (To be fair, two male characters aren’t represented as total scum.)
Even the girlfriend of the married guy is portrayed as a victim when she has to hide in a closet while he and his wife hook up. Not a single character tells her she shouldn’t be dating him in the first place.
The lead ends up with a good guy after she quits wasting her time on jackasses. Isn’t this what the main message should be? Instead it seems to be that girls just don’t understand that all guys are _______ (insert negative plural noun here).
Plenty of guys and girls settle for mediocre relationships and lower their standards just to have someone. But the lesson learned by the main character is that when you don’t settle and give up “the hunt”, you’ll probably end up in a far better relationship than one that ends every Friday or takes place in a storage shed.
So, he may be into you, but if he’s a tool you most likely already know things won’t work out. If he’s just not that into you, it’s probably obvious—something the movie excels at depicting. I just wish the movie called out the other characters who really needed it—those dating married men, those not being honest with themselves, and those blaming everyone else for their problems.

Her side:
make mistakes and misread signs. The movie He’s Just Not That Into You displays this time and again in characters who are desperate, annoyed, paranoid, or just confused. Granted, the right way to attract the opposite sex varies from person to person and on the situation. But, here are some clarifications for both men and women (that the movie may not clarify).
A wink. Don’t wink unless you get the three-second stare, if it’s less than that, or they give you the turn away, they’re just not that into you.
The “up and down.” Men, don’t scale her body up and down like she is a piece of meat. Yes, we notice. No, we don’t appreciate it.
Original charm. Don’t use aggressive pick up lines like “How about my place later,” or “Dang girl!” If a guy is going to compliment a girl, say something nice. Reassure her. “I really enjoyed hanging out with you, could we do it again some time?” Give an indication that you care—not that you’re just trying to get something.
A little slap from behind. Girls, don’t fall for a guy who carries himself like that. There is no respect in a gesture like that.
The look. Try not to exaggerate this. More than two mutual eye-encounters could be too many and start to cause uneasiness.
A smile. Smiling is a natural thing. Smiles should be made often; there is nothing wrong with a genuine smile. Do not take it as a “sign” all of the time, though.
“Can I call you some time?” If used correctly, this method can be successful. The tone of voice either tells the other that you are serious, or not. Signs such as lack of eye contact, identified force or bribery speak in great volumes and create caution. But, if you are not going to call, then do not ask for their number.
Surprises. Surprises are better off when a relationship is established on mutual grounds. Too often, assumptions are made and misinterpretation turns out to be a joy killer. Try not to spring something last minute unless certain of its appropriateness.
Variety. Can’t have it all. Play the cards honestly and if you are going to fold, then fold, but don’t bluff. It may work temporarily, but lying never gets you anywhere.
Honesty. Once you are in a relationship, it gets harder to keep and easier to avoid. Just try and keep in mind why you fell for them in the beginning. The emotions may seem to wither, but they can always be renewed.
The hardest thing to come up against in the game of love is disappointment and rejection. It happens almost every time, but what matters is what you learn and take away from the experience. That is what enables you to keep moving when it is the hardest.
Keep in mind that people interpret things differently and to be sensitive to others. One size does not fit all. Truth be told, though, everyone appreciates a genuine heart.